Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
