Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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