Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
