I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i out mim tonsoeep
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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