somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
