remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
