I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
