I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
