We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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