I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
