Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
