i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
