I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
