Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
