is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
