My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
