Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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