im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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