it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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