there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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