Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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