Who did Billy Mays play for?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
