I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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