We won't sleep together?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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