i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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