i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
being pregnant is like rehab
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
