my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
