Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
