awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
