Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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