he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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