Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Randomize
