i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
