oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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