I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
