He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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