Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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