You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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