I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
