You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
