Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
