I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
