So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
