did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
