it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
