Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
