Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
