I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
