I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
