He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
should my penis look like a turkey
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
