while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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