hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
