So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
