If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
