ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
