i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
