I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
