Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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