when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They took my balls.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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