Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
