I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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