Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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