i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
