How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
