If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
