You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That was before I lit my hair on fire
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
