gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
