Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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