I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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