Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
