$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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