Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
